letting go

Letting Go of Annoyances

6850181780_88e0e108e2_b.jpg

I believe that annoyances or things that make us angry can be a form of clutter in our lives. Many times we carry around mental clutter that is blocking us from our best lives and it can be more of an obstacle than physical clutter at times.

I will give an example in my own life. Yesterday I got a call from someone who I thought wanted to meet up, get to know me and see if we could refer business to each other, or I thought that their office needed my help from the sound of the voicemail. The call started off in that direction, however in a short amount of time the call resulted in them wanting to sell me advertising in a guide they were putting together.

This created a huge annoyance in my mind. When we expect one thing and then another, less desirable thing happens, it can really annoy us and get on our nerves. It can create blockages to doing our best work the rest of the day, or even into the next day. This was the case with me. I am rarely annoyed, but this really got to me. I really love to develop real relationships with people both in personal friendships and business partnerships, so that tactic really doesn’t fit my values. I always want relationships to be a win-win situation and this did not seem so to me. I was not given the chance to get to know them and they were not getting to know me either.

The next day this call and interaction was still bothering me and really putting a cloud on a sunny day for me. I decided I needed to let go of this so that I could move on to much more important and meaningful work- writing these blog posts and reaching out to my audience to help them.

Here is what I did:

I wrote down the annoyance- just one paragraph. Then, I put at the bottom- I am letting go. I am surrendering. Goodbye!

After that I crumpled up the paper and put it in the fire pit and lit it on fire. I watched as it turned to ashes and the weight of the annoyance lifted. I was able to sit and enjoy the sunshine in the garden and watch the squirrels chase each other. Life was back to the light and I could move on.

Have you had an annoyance that weighed on you for more than a day? How did you handle it?

Please let me know in the comments below.

With lots of joy,

—Trista

Joyful Minimalism: 

If you are ready to explore your things but need  support and would like to work with me one on one, feel free to reach out to me by email and I can send you a client survey and set up a call with you. I can work with local clients and long distance clients. 

I have 3 home clearing packages to choose from: 

Services:

http://expansive.me/services

Find out more on my website:

http://expansive.me

Letting go of clutter = Letting go of pain

birthday-party-3593058_960_720.jpg

Recently, Oprah (on her show and podcast Super Soul Sunday) has started a special series on the book “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle. Each Monday they talk together about a different chapter and readers of the book call in with their questions. I read this book many years ago, but this program reignited my interest in it. I picked up a copy of the book and to my surprise the chapter on the “pain body” really had a lot of meaning to me. I began to wonder if letting go of clutter and extra things in your environment could lead to letting go of pain. In my experience it certainly has.

According to Tolle “This energy field of old but still very-much-alive emotion that lives in almost every human being is the pain-body.”

I also believe that a negative energy force can live in the clutter we keep in our homes. Even if it is an every day item that we keep that belonged to someone else, if there was pain around this person in our lives or if it was painful to let them go because they have passed away, that item can carry pain with it instead of joy. You will know when you look at or hold those items.

In the chapter called “Breaking Free” Tolle states:

It is your conscious Presence that breaks the identification with the pain-body. When you don’t identify with it, the pain body can no longer control your thinking and so cannot renew itself any more by feeding on your thoughts. The pain-body in most cases does not dissolve immediately, but once you have severed the link between it and your thinking, the pain body begins to lose energy. Your thinking ceases to be clouded by emotion; your present perceptions are no longer distorted by the past.

—Eckhart Tolle “A New Earth”

When we are clearing our homes we are focusing very much on the present moment with our things as we decide what to keep in our homes and what to let go of. In this sense, the amount of pain and stress dissipates with each clearing session. You are clearing away more than just physical items. You are clearing away the painful attachments you held on to for so long that are no longer serving you in this present moment.

It’s like with each box and bag that leaves your home, a part of you feels a little lighter, there is less stress from the past weighing on you. You are freeing yourself from the pain that those things represent and lightening the load on your body and your mind.

When we no longer identify with, or put a label on certain things such as “I should keep this because _____________ gave it to me.” or “This belonged to _____________.” If you have a warm, loving feeling around that item, by all means keep it in your home because it radiates love. However, if the item is kept because of guilt, shame or an attachment to someone negative in your life or a difficult time in your life, let it go. It is part of the pain that is not serving you in your present moment.

Have you found that when you let go of things you feel less stress or you feel lighter? It means that you are starting to let go of the pain in your life.

Comment below on this question, or feel free to email me at:

trista.signe.ainsworth@gmail.com

Joyful Minimalism: 

If you are ready to explore your things but need weekly/daily support and would like to work with me one on one, feel free to reach out to me by email and I can send you a client survey and set up a call with you. I can work with local clients and long distance clients. 
trista.signe.ainsworth@gmail.com

Workaholism

385584085_1a90e84390_b.jpg

My name is Trista and I am a recovering workaholic. This is exactly what I would say if a workaholics anonymous group existed. This is a subject that I am continually exploring and I learned a lot about last year after spending 4 months working at the coffee shop waking up at 3:45am and then going home each day at 2pm, picking up my son, & then having lots of work to do at home were just insane! What I learned from that experience was that there is only so much work one person can do in a day and that we need to give ourselves more breaks, more days off and more relaxation time.

Productive Time:

I have always loved to feel productive and busy. I am kind of a “busy bee” type. I am always fidgeting, always going around the house looking for things I think need to be done. I love to do things like iron, organize stuff and de-clutter. However, I am learning that there has to be a balance there. Now when I make my planning sheets for my daily tasks I actually write down things like “break time.” This may seem crazy to some, but to a workaholic like me, it is a lifeline and a way that I can let myself take some time to relax and enjoy life.

Sometimes there is a big difference between being “busy” and being productive. I can have a tendency to spend too much time on social media, thinking that staying in touch with everyone is super productive when I should just take that time to read a good book, enjoy my lunch, go out for a coffee or go for a walk. I am now working on having a specific time window that is for productive work time activities like writing blog posts, marketing, writing newsletters, writing course materials, creating videos, setting up appointments and things like that. After that time window is finished, then I can spend time taking a lunch break, working on some fun hobbies like learning Japanese and more. Social media time is best spent during a short time in the evening and limited to just a few minutes. I admit that last week the screen time count on my phone as atrocious! That is why I am taking action to work on that and spend time doing things that really matter in moving myself forward and create more joy in my life. Also, I have stopped doing any work of any kind at around 6:30-7:00 pm every evening. I make sure to read a book, hang out with my family or watch a video with my son and have fun talking about it.

Home Management/Asking for Help:

Especially speaking for women (and some men) we can still find ourselves in charge of home management as well as having a job or business. With this we can put added pressure on ourselves and get overwhelmed by the number of tasks we need to accomplish. There are daily tasks like: dishes, laundry, recycling, going through papers, taking out garbage and more. Then there are other things like home and car maintenance.

There can be a huge list each week and each month that we feel responsible for and feel we need to take care of. This is why I am slowly working on asking for help. This is an area that I have been working on for a long time. I have a bad habit of trying to do everything on my own and then getting overwhelmed by it. This is not a good cycle to be in because your attention can get really scattered and that is especially tough when you are trying to build a business or work on your career while still balancing home, family and friends.

Lately I have begun to ask for help from my husband and son on a regular basis. Here are ways I have started to ask for help and hopefully some of these can give you some good ideas too.

  • My 10-year old son now has daily chores that he is responsible for- laundry- putting it in the washer, dryer and folding it. He also goes to the mailbox to get the mail. I also have him clear his dishes at mealtimes and also help put leftovers away, set and clean the table before/after meals. I have also been working with him to do 15 minutes of de-cluttering in his room each evening. We actually do this activity together and it’s fun to see what we discover. So far he has filled 3 grocery bags to give away to charity. He has been capable of doing these things for a long time, it was just a matter of me being consistent in asking him and reminding him. It will take a while to instill these habits and although sometimes it may feel like it is simpler for me to just take care of these tasks I feel that it is important to teach him: daily cleaning habits/chores, home management skills, to contribute to the family/household and to be responsible.

  • I ask my husband to help with specific tasks- I often ask him to help with vacuuming and he also helps clear the table and does the dishes often. He is also great about going to the store and the library for us. He is fantastic about helping out and is always willing to help.

  • Family clean up- On the weekend I have started a simple cleaning routine where we each take a cleaning task or chore and do it all at the same time. For example, last Sunday my husband vacuumed while my son folded laundry while I cleaned the bathrooms. Within a short amount of time our chores were done and then we had a fun evening together. Things take less time when you all work on them together.

Saying No:/Setting boundaries:

For a long time I have had trouble saying no. I still have trouble saying no sometimes. However, I guard my time a bit more closely now while still leaving time for fun, friends and family. It is important to me to be productive during certain days and then schedule ahead of time coffee dates, parties and other events with friends and family. The lines can often blur between work time and social time when you are running your own business from home. Because you don’t work at a “regular job” at an office sometimes people get the notion that you can meet up during the week at anytime. But, if you don’t set boundaries as to what are your work times and hours then you will overwork yourself and not enjoy time that you have set aside for social time or time to do things that you enjoy as hobbies. You are actually robbing yourself of time by creating such a fractured schedule.

If someone wants to meet during a time that I have scheduled to work then I have to say no. Also, if I get a phone call in the middle of a work session I will let it go and call the person after I have finished my work time. I also have to say no to myself sometimes if I put too many things on my list. I often cross those out and re-evaluate how many things I am trying to accomplish in a day. Saying no can be very hard to do and I am still learning how to do it.

I would love to know from you:

How are you suffering from workaholism?

What are you doing to combat it?

How do you ask for help?

How do you say no and set boundaries?

Please leave a comment below or feel free to email me at: trista.signe.ainsworth@gmail.com

Thank you so much!

-Trista

Transition and Letting Go

022.JPG

Although it is a very icy day and very cold where I am right now here in Oregon, we are still in a transition time towards spring. I have seen little leaves of daffodils poking through the ground, a signal that change is ahead for the earth. In this way I am readying myself for a major transition in my work life.

With the experiences I have had recently I am going to be transitioning out of baking for clients and into a whole other realm of work that I can do from home. I have come to find how important it is to pay attention to so many factors in the way that I live life, how it affects others, how I serve others and how I feel on a regular basis.

Breaking a Similar Pattern:

Over the past 15 years or so I have mainly concentrated on baking or food-related businesses. It started with a farmer’s market baking business with my mom and sister in law that we did for 4 years while I was still teaching English as a Second Language, my mom was teaching too and my sister in law was in college. Later on I quit teaching after 10 years to start my home pie business. After 2 years of that I transitioned to teaching baking/cooking classes while still taking orders for baked goods on occasion and I did that for around a year or so. That transitioned me to starting a meal service with Josephine.com which I did for nearly 2 years. Then, I worked at a local cafe for around 4 months baking and cooking there 6 days a week. After the cafe closed permanently I had another transition to make. I decided to start baking at home again and created an online bakery for local folks to order from and had some bake sales. I then have transitioned to baking part time at a local farm for their store/events.

Lots of Changes But Stuck in a Rut:

I realized the other day that I had a pattern of lots of transitions but it was always in the same space: food. It’s funny that at those times I thought I was making so many changes in my life but in a way I was in a rut. I just kept doing the same type of thing. I think in a strange way although I love to help people, in all of these food jobs I was looking for outside affirmation from others as to my worth in my work. I was working on validating myself through what I physically created. I have been doing some deep personal growth/development work recently and one of the exercises in a course I have been taking really made my realize this. Although I am very ready for a change I feel that I have learned so much through all of these experiences and all of these paths I have explored through the years. I believe deep in my heart that I could not start to become the person I am starting to become at this moment without this work journey.

New Focus, New Journey:

Coming to the conclusion that I needed to radically change the work I do to take the focus off of me and put it on others and really, truly help others in their lives with skills that I have has been a big realization. It may seem very abrupt, but I am ready to transition over to working in the personal development/personal growth space, not only in a part time fashion but very soon in a full time way. I have found that more than a year ago I had started to stop putting recipes on my blog and I really started to focus on my journey and what I was learning in life along the way. That became very interesting to me and I wanted to see how I could help others with it. Now, I believe I can begin to transition to helping and teaching others and facilitating their own learning on how to become the person they are meant to be. That is such a beautiful, joyful and exciting process to me. I have always loved to write, to create worksheets, to teach others. I am now really listening to that calling deep in my heart to give back.

What is next?

Here’s what’s to come:

  • Patreon Page: I have created a page on Patreon that is affiliated with this blog. If you would like to sign up for monthly benefits that include companion learning videos, checklists, workbooks, a private Facebook group or weekly accountability check ins you can check out what I have available to help you here:

    https://www.patreon.com/expansive

  • Home Clearing Course: I am creating a course for clearing your home. This is a different method from de-cluttering and it is a very manageable, practical daily practice that is easy and rewarding.

  • Vision Board Course: I am creating a course on how to make your vision board for your hopes and dreams really come alive with worksheets on visioning your future, how you want to feel and what experiences you want to have. It includes writing exercises to go along with your vision board to make it a richer experience.

I will continue to blog, write newsletter for my list and create videos and courses. I will also be teaching some courses locally just like the vision board course that I did recently. I will be transitioning this blog to a new domain/new website very soon because I will be taking down any food/baking related things. I have started by removing the “bakery” tab on this site. Eventually over the next 2 months this site will be moved but I will keep you posted on that process. I am so excited to be able to serve you all in a very different, enriching way!

I would love to hear from you and what transitions and letting go experiences you have had in your life. Please feel free to comment below!

Thank you so much for being on this journey along with me. It means a lot to me that you are here to share in the experience. Please feel free to reach out at: trista.signe.ainsworth@gmail.com anytime.